“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into
the past.”
Mmm.
The Great Gatsby, F.
Scott Fitzgerald’s infinitely quotable, timelessly devastating novel of undying
love, obsession, idealism, disillusionment, and—ultimately—desolation and
destruction, has been in the forefront of my mind for the entirety of this
summer.
Perhaps it is because I reread it this spring in preparation
for teaching it to my juniors…perhaps it was seeing the completely decent Baz
Luhrmann film adaptation…or, perhaps it is simply the fact that, once something
gets under your skin, it lives within you for your whole life, even if dormant
and invisible to your consciousness.
The quote above has haunted me this summer—spinning slowly
in my head like a needle stuck on a scratchy old 33.
Whether you like the magnificence of the novel or DiCaprio’s
transformation into the inimitable, James Gatz, I sense that too few people
really look beyond the parable of the gloss, the glamour, the decadence, and
the indulgence of that obsessive love affair to actually examine the pathos
of Gatsby’s quest for personal identification and place.
Me? That’s about ALL
I do any more.
You see, during the long days of this unseasonably mild
summer, I stared long and hard, darkly and deeply, into the eye of the abyss of
memory—and I witnessed the wreckage from the collision of the identity we build
within ourselves from the past and the reality of who we become today.
I used to be the most sedate romantic…always half asleep in
the past, drowsing on dreamy memories and feeding upon altered fantasies…but
something changed in me this season.
Nothing profound, I suppose—we’re not talking a Kafka-esque
metamorphosis or anything—but it was a molting, nonetheless.
In less than three short months, I haven’t become anything
different…but I have let go of the
pieces of myself that didn’t fit inside me any longer. I’ve moved my base of operations from my heart to my head…and the romantic has humbly acquiesced to the dominance of the
pragmatic I’ve kept leashed inside my brain.
People, perhaps this is common sense to you, but for me, it
was revolutionary: I’d never given in to this kind of mental self-absorption
before because I always thought it would be selfish and wrong to spend an
inordinate amount of time this way—but now I get it. If you take the time to sort your own shit
out yourself, you’ll save others the trouble…and you’ll have more of the best
of yourself to share with those who matter most to you.
Mind = blown.
I’m not sure to what I owe this transfiguration of my
identity over this summer—that is, except to say that I believe that I have learned,
laughed, and loved more in under ninety days over magnificent conversations
with incredible people than I have in my entire life. What’s more, instead of trying to lose my
heart and myself in them (as the romantic
in me might have once been inclined to do), I brought them all home inside
my head and I chewed on them late into every night and wrote about them every
morning.
Hell.
And most people just went to Great America, The House of
Mouse, or hung out by the pool this summer?
Pfft.
What’s up with all my self-reflection, yo? [There
ain’t a lifeguard alive that would dive in to save me from the darkness I swim
in up in my own head, y’all.]
The truth is, this summer I read less than I meant to and my
television is covered in thick ropes of cobwebs… but I reconnected with old
friends, made amazing new friends, and throughout it all, I listened to a shitton
of great new music. Sure, I kept plenty
of Biggie and Jay-Z and Jack White and Radiohead around, but instead of
spinning the same tired playlists of the past, I actively sought out some fresh
new music to accompany my experience with personal growth this summer.
After all, I suppose you could say that transformations and
transitions have been the theme of the evolution. I’ve told you before—every incident of my
life has had a soundtrack.
You see, Gatsby (spoiler
alert if you’re under eighteen—and if you are—stop
reading this blog. I am a filthy,
deviant person and a terrible influence!) might have died drowning in that
current racing toward the past—but the point was that the man was trying
to swim forward toward that orgastic future. He was desperately endeavoring to reconcile
the weight of his past with the limitless future of his imagination—an
admirable quest… and one I could wholly identify with.
The music of my summer list is all about my efforts at
emotional and mental transformation: not into something new—more about shedding that
which has been holding me back. In many
respects, I am the same me I’ve always
been inside…but I feel like, layer by layer, these songs have helped me to
shrug off the pieces of me that were never more than shells of others’ expectations
or shadows of past dreams, keeping me from reaching for anything more than the
green light of a forgotten life.
I’ve spent a lot of time putting together a rather special
list—I genuinely hope you’ll enjoy it and check out the songs I’ve shared, but,
more importantly, I hope you’ll consider your own journeys and spend a little
time giving yourself the opportunity to dream for your future and to release
the stranglehold that the past may still have upon you.
1.) Lorde- “Royals”
The New Zealand native is sixteen years old and spits like a
ghetto-fabulous baby Fiona Apple in the 21st century. “Royals” tops my summer song list because this
is a no-bullshit anthem of adoration that disavows the trappings of our
synthetic culture and brings back the rawest essence of true love: the ebb and
flow of dominance and submission.
Lorde’s awareness of the artificial elements of the
pre-packaged “romance” that surround her, coupled with her vow to remain
unaffected by the soulless life that the contemporary culture is selling, is
punctuated with each staccato snap of her fingers.
My GOD, I can’t
even imagine the confidence I might have had if only I’d had an anthem like this as a child—but, instead, I had
Madonna selling me on the material world and inviting me to be a material
girl.
Thanks, Madge.
From the very first lines Lorde drops, “I’ve never seen a diamond in the flesh, I cut my teeth on wedding
rings in the movies…” she crushed
this song—and this song crushed me.
Runner Up: Cayucas-
“High School Lover” Hyper-sexy
and super-cool, this quirky little song feels like an amped up dance anthem
from the 60’s and evokes all the right elements of Weezer and Beck to make it
one of my favorites of the summer.
2.) Arctic Monkeys- “Do I Wanna Know”
Fun fact: Every
lady needs a song that immediately turns her into a high-class stripper. (You
know, unless she already IS a stripper.
I guess they might feel differently.)
But, seriously.
Ask any woman and, if she’s honest (or you fan enough cash at her), she’ll tell you hers.
It just so happens that this song is that song for me.
[This fact has been
catalogued as evidence: my daughter recently caught me on high-def video
working my suburban mom ass overtime
to it while loading the damn dishwasher to this jam. With all due apologies, people, it’s just SO
damn sexy I couldn’t help myself.)
I’ve liked the Arctic Monkeys for a while—their album, Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm
Not, was in constant play in the latter part of the 2K’s for me…but the
boys have matured. It’s nice to see how much they’ve grown—and this
song (with its ridiculous sexual energy) is not to be missed. If you’re looking for the song so suck a face
off with, look no further.
What kills me most about this song is
that, aside from its infinite level of lust—it’s a beautifully honest token
laid in tribute to the desolation of being in love with someone who isn’t ready
to receive what you’re offering.
[Ouchy. For reals.]
Look, let’s be honest:
I’m not exactly known for my subtlety, so allow me to use my
bluntness for the greater good—
If by the time Alex Turner croons the line “…the nights were mainly made for saying
things that you can't say tomorrow day…”, her panties are not
on the floor, your game is seriously flawed, my friend.
Take note.
Runner Up: Thirty Seconds to Mars- “Up in the Air” Jared Leto crying the words “I’ll wrap my
hands around your neck so tight with love, love, love?” Hell, YES.
Please and thank you. Mmm.
3.) MS MR- “Hurricane”
Ladies? Cover your
ears for a moment. I’ve gotta tell the
guys something. Go on…it’ll just take a
second, I swear. Thanks, girlfriend…
(Pssst. Boys?
Can the girls hear me? No?
Then listen up:
Bitches be trippin’, my sweet friends.
Seriously.
They’d kill me if they
knew I was telling you this, but damn it…we’re fucking crazy.
We tell you one thing,
mean another, and usually expect you to finish our sentences without having to
speak them. And even when we are
being direct, we’re still nuts. Perhaps
it’s the millennia of subjugation to a misogynistic society that we’ve endured
that predicated our mental decline…perhaps it’s our decades of overuse of hair
products. Whatever it is, our heads are wrecked.
We don’t MEAN to be
insane…we just ARE. Up is down. Left is right. Right is wrong. Oh, and while you’re at it, read our fucking
minds.
If you think I’m being disloyal to my own kind, just wait
until you listen to Lizzy Plapinger’s apologetically velvety pleas to be seen and known and understood…set to the
dreamy alternative sound of MS MR’s amazing song, “Hurricane”…she gives up far
more of the ghosts inside our heads than you may ever be ready for, gentlemen.
But, please, be gentle, men...
We might be crazy, but
if you prick us…do we not bleed?
Stop pricking us, motherfuckers.
This shit writes
itself.)
Alrighty, ladies!
Come on back! I just finished
telling the fellas how great the new MS MR song is…who wants a cosmo? Damn girl, did you lose weight? I LOVE your hair, lady. You look amaaaazing,
ma.
Runner Up: Blondefire-
“Waves” This song is so pretty,
it lulls and romances you—though it never fully engages your head to connect to
your heart. You feel adrift upon the
sea, slightly melancholy, but strangely unsure as to why. Mindless summer bliss, like an icy-cool
popsicle for your fevered summer brain.
While I am a lover of music of all varieties (with the exception of modern country…you’ve
heard me say it before…we all know I
think that shit sounds like bags of cats being smashed against spiked walls)
I must admit that the paucity of lyrical aptitude is a bit disappointing in the
typical contemporary song.
Sometimes you get the musical styling, sometimes you get the
vocalists, sometimes you get the great production—but, what’s delightful about
The National is that you sacrifice nothing. You get it all—coupled with some of the most poetic lyrics in modern music.
“Don’t Swallow the
Cap” devastates me: Matt Berninger’s deep, wistful voice sing-talks me into
the darkest corners of my own melancholy.
When he croons: “I have only two
emotions, careful fear and dead devotion.
I can't get the balance right—throw my marbles in the fight” I
scream inside—HOW? How do you KNOW the madness in my
head???
Some have said that poetry is dead; I’d like to think that I
disagree. At least with the music of The
National, I feel like there’s still a beat in this old girl’s heart.
Runner Up: The
National- “Cardinal Song” This
isn’t a new song, but it is their most dreadfully personal for me—an exquisite
ode to hungering for someone who will never hunger back for you—at least, not
like you so desperately need them to.
“Cardinal Song” is immaculate perfection; only The National could bump
The National on my list this summer.
5.) Two Door Cinema Club-
“Next Year”
Everyone needs a coulda-woulda-shoulda song—you know, the
kind of song for those missed chances, those overlooked opportunities, for
beating themselves up late at night as they are fighting to avoid picking up
the phone and reaching out to that squandered someone.
This is that song.
This little folksy Irish group hits all the right notes for
a nostalgic night walking down the darkened path you never took—where so much
is left unsaid.
As it should never be.
To quote the incomparable Charles Bukowski: “We are all going to die, all of us, what a
circus! That alone should make us love
each other, but it doesn’t. We are
terrorized and flattened by our trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing!”
Two Door Cinema Club approaches the emptiness of the human
experiences in effervescent pop deliciousness—a startling and surprisingly palatable
dichotomy.
Runner Up:
Phoenix- “Trying to Be Cool” Like “Next
Year”, there is so much more going on under the breeziness of the
beat. “Trying to Be Cool” captures the
desperate need so many of us bear to remain in apparent control as our hearts
are bursting from our goddamn chests to be felt
and recognized. A damn fine song in every respect.
Last year, my hyper-stylized-electro-rock-dance heartache
song slot belonged to Alex Clare’s magnificent “Too Close” (a song that
still rotates in my mix with alarming regularity), but this year, “Afraid”, by Cali alt-rock band The
Neighbourhood is my speaker-blowing, subdivision-kid-scaring anthem of “FUCK YOU for not loving me BACK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
Every summer needs this kind of song—and this one
is a beauty. Petulant lyrics, whiny vocals—everything you
need to match a heart that has been bruised and feels like bruising someone
back…even if just a little bit.
Runner Up: (TIE) Kendrick
Lamar- “Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe” and
A$AP Rocky/ Skrillex/ Birdy Nam Nam- “Wild
for the Night” Both are smokin’ sexy as hell and bring the perfect
George Clinton-tone of “I might cry two tears in a bucket—fuck it—let’s take it
to the stage” to their odes to
independence of thought and mind and spirit and soul. Both songs tell people you’re unleashable and
to mind their own damn business and leave you to do you. Grrr. YES.
[I could easily list
you five people whose throats I’d kill to shove these songs down right now…but
Imma keep it classy.]
7.) Imagine Dragons- “Radioactive”
This is probably the most overplayed and throwaway song on
my list—it’s about nothing and it means nothing to me...but damn,
aurally, it just works.
Much as it courses through my veins, I don’t really know a
lot about music…but I do know what I like.
This song hits in all the right places for mindless
listening pleasure—“Radioactive” was
designed to make you turn up the volume, roll down the windows, and bang out
the beat on your steering wheel on an early summer evening, you know?
(And yo, that muppet
cage match video starring Lou Diamond Phillips?
Hell, YES—well worth the price of admission.)
Runner Up: The
Lumineers- “Stubborn Love” Again,
top 40 killed the radio edit song…but after the spectacular two minutes and
forty three seconds of perfection that was “Ho
Hey”, “Stubborn Love” is a lovely
requiem to the wreckage of the human heart in love with that which cannot…or will not…love it in return. Folksy and sweet and infinitely listenable. Nummy, nummy heartache: I eatz it up.
8.) The Limousines- “Love is a Dog From Hell”
This brand new song from the self-proclaimed “indietronica”
band (DAFUQ? Is that seriously
a thing now?) caught my eye the very first time I saw it come up on my
Sirius satellite radio—after all, the title itself was taken directly from a
Charles Bukowski (yes, him again)
poem about the damage and debris of the human soul by love and loss and
loneliness.
How could I not adore this song? It was custom
designed for a dying romantic trying desperately to remain rational in a
sea of emotion and longing. “Um, Mrs. E.L.? Party of one…?”
You see, I have this incredible friend who has been dealt an
extremely shitty hand in his life and, quite honestly, played a great game
nonetheless…bluffing and calling, but never folding…and for this, I respect him
immensely. Sadly, however, despite his
bravado, love has wrecked him in a way that has changed the composition of his
emotional DNA.
Not long ago, he decried his feelings and asserted that he
had sworn off true emotion, choosing only to live in his head—and every time I
hear this song, I think of him. I do not
judge his choices, his path is his own—but they do make me sadder than a tiny
blog about summer music could ever fully explain.
I get it, though…when you’ve aligned your heart with another
and fused your soul to theirs, the devastation of its amputation leaves behind
more than phantom pains and scar tissue…
But STILL.
God.
The feels.
Go. Don’t go. Stay. Don’t stay.
This song encapsulates every tic and twitch of both the
advent and the impending demise of a love beyond reason and expectation…and its
haunting simplicity catapulted it to the very top of songs that leave me stony
and spaced, reeling in a derelict place of hunger and desire and torment in in
my own head.
If Gatsby had had his own theme song, I absolutely guarantee
that “Love is a Dog From Hell” would
have been that song.
Runner Up: Kodaline
– “All I Want” What’s that: ANOTHER new indie group? Say it isn’t so…? [Are
they breeding amazing indie-rockers in a laboratory petri dish somewhere to
keep the Lollapalooza pool stocked each year?
I mean, seriously? I don’t get it.] I digress:
I really do love this
song—it’s whiny and haunting all at once…and the perfect prick of an antidote
after a hard day of thinking (and
avoiding feeling) to remind yourself that you’re still human and that your heart does, indeed, still bleed. As it was MEANT to…
9.) Rhye- “Open”
Every song off of Rhye’s album, Woman, is beyond sensory,
beyond sexy. As a fan of the acutely
carnal, haunting rhythms of “Shelter”
by The XX or “Who Needs the Sunshine”
from The Heavy, everything about what the Candadian-Danish duo (who could have foreseen THAT fusion coming?)
create is sensually spellbinding. “Open” is my favorite of the tracks—from
the first pull of the bows across the strings and the intimate introduction of
the brass, I’m down…but by the time Mike Milosh’s ultra-sexy, feminine
voice slips into my head, I am GONE.
There is a revelation that will occur between your head and
your heart…and perhaps other regions of your body…and it will feel like a revolution
when you surrender to an intimate experience like Rhye.
[You may send me
flowers the next day as a thank you.
I like lilies.
Roses are for
romantics.]
Runner Up: Silversun
Pickups- “Dots and Dashes” Oh, LAWD, these breathlessly sexy summer songs
with the tricky poetry will be the death of me. There is nothing
I could write about why this should be a top pick for the summer that it cannot
say for itself:
“I'm already born…I'm already wise…I'm already worn… I'm
already wondering what am I/ I'm already rough…I'm already lean…I'm already
wanting to be obscene/ I'm already cursed…I'm already dry…I'm already wondering
what am I/ I've already learned a bit of sin… Enough already, let me in…”
Yes sir, right
away sir.
10.) Macklemore ft. Ryan
Lewis- “Same Love”
Who doesn’t love a little Macklemore in their lives? After “Thrift Shop”, the boy could write or
rap anything and we’d have been on that Kool-Aid.
So what does he choose to tackle for his
follow up venture?
Pimping bitches?
Driving dirty?
Rolling with his homies?
Um, no.
No, he does not.
Instead, young Master Haggerty releases a lovely ode calling
for tolerance and understanding in an unforgiving world—a plaintive plea for
people to put down their baggage, their preconceived notions, their
prejudices…and to take up their eyes to look at one another for the beautiful,
broken creatures that we all are.
Look, not to trample on political toes with a simple summer
music blog, but DAMN: sometimes I look at the photos and posts and writings of
people protesting equal rights and I am so hopelessly heartbroken that human
creatures, who are so capable of glory and empathy, consciously choose paths of ignorance, defamation, and hatred based
upon the doctrines of ancient texts.
“Same Love” addresses
my weariness with living in such an unforgiving world—and when Mary Lambert’s
mournful, lilting refrain hits…? Goosebumps, plain and simple. It’s not often that a song can ground you and
lift your spirits all at once—but “Same
Love” manages to achieve a genuine sense of empowerment. And that video? Oh, HELL. Go get the tissues.
You’re going to need them.
Runner Up:
Macklemore- “Can’t Hold Us” At
thirty years old, Macklemore isn’t a kid any longer—except in his heart,
perhaps—so this is his frenetic tribute to the manic impregnability of youth
and a delightful token for the young of heart.
No message rings truer in the ears of maligned youth than an elegy that
cries: Fuck, yeah, I came from shit, but I
sure as hell don’t have to stay here—watch me fly.
11.) Mac Miller- “Goosebumpz”
Mac Miller has made my summer listening list three years
running now…and this song, produced by LA DJ and master-wunderkind, Diplo, is
simply another dope gem from the Pittsburg kid that won’t stop.
Seriously, he is just so snappy and scrappy and I want to
slap and hug him all at once.
Be warned—this song is fillllllthy. “Goosebumpz” is a dishonorable homage to wild
women and those who ride in the fastest lanes; but Mac’s rhymes are tighter than
ever and the chaotic horns and electronica lay a taut track for the ride.
And it’s so funny:
I DIE when he raps “when I die bet she fuck my hologram”… Mac Miller is so
white he glows, but the little shit has balls of steel when he spits.
He’s not Em and he’ll never be MCA, but damn, I cannot
help but adore this guy. “Goosebumpz” is the perfect dirty ditty
for pissing off parents and impressing trashy girls with tans…you’ll forget it
by the fall, but I’ll bet you two porn stars and a sports car that it’ll be a
hella fun ride for today.
Runner Up: MIA-
“Bring the Noize” The badass
auteur with the heart of gold has been a consistent favorite in my listening
rotation since her album Kala. “Bring
the Noize” hasn’t quite received the attention of the pop-culture-permeating “Paper
Planes”—but give this manic little treasure a bit of time. It’s saying a lot more than people may
realize.
The NY group's songs always seem to holla "summer”… but the first single from their
album Modern Vampires of the City is even more driving and
effervescent than usual—and its quirky vocal effects, coupled with its hipster
street-cred, will give it cause to be imitated by kids of all ages throughout
the season. “Diane Young” is simply a cool
summer treat…eat it up before it melts.
Runner Up: (THREE-WAY-TIE) Fitz and the Tantrums- “Out of My
League” and 1975- “Chocolate” and Atlas Genius- “If So” All three songs have been in regular play along
my summer journey of self-actualization and have the same kind of crazy-awesome
summer vibe that buoyed Vampire Weekend to the top of my song choices. All are delectable…all are forgettable. Again, my best suggestion? Eat ‘em up before they expire. Summer music is known for having a short
shelf-life.
Your summer bonus—
W. Somerset Maugham once wrote that it was his belief that “…there
existed hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill
the world at large with surprise and horror.”
Apparently, a lot of musicians bank on this premise.
With the exception of my occasional co-blogger brother-from-another-mother,
The Suburban Acrobat, I try to be the only trick in town for you when I
write…hence why I tried to avoid the obvious and keep the shit on mah list fresh
for y’all. After all, if you can get it
everywhere else, why in the world would you come here, right? (Metaphorz,
dawg. I haz them.)
But these two were unavoidable nuggets of summer sex
goodness…and so I give to you:
Daft Punk- “Get Lucky” and Robin Thicke- “Blurred Lines”
WHY?
Because:
A.) Both are sexy af.
Because:
A.) Both are sexy af.
B.) Both have Pharrell.
C.) Both make errybody wanna get busy with errybody
—so,
despite the fact that you couldn’t hide from these songs even if you
cryogenically froze yourself (c’mon…you
just KNOW they’d play them in the hyperbaric chamber portion of the process),
give in to them and get laid already. That is their functional design, after all…
What’s that, honey?
You wanted a good girl?
You got her right here, bae…hey, hey, hey.
And she’s up all night for good fun…
(OMFG.
WHY didn’t I see this before?)
Please,
if there be a higher power, I invoke thee:
MASH-UP.
That
is all.
Amen.
Happy
summering, errybody.
Mad
love and music, lovers. Make it all matter...I know I'm trying to.
“Every time I write something, I think, this is the most
offensive thing I will ever write. But no. I always surprise myself.” ~Chuck Palahniuk
